Dear Doctor Love,
I am a recently divorced 47-year-old man seeking your wise advice. After enduring a turbulent 18-year marriage, I find myself back in the hazardous world of dating. I consider myself a gentleman and I like to treat a lady well. But after attempting to court a few lovely women – in anticipation of finding a new serious relationship – I’ve faced multiple accusations of being TOO NICE! So I have a very simple question: is it true that nice guys really do finish last?
Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
Welcome to the wild world of post-divorce dating! It’s a jungle out there, but I’m here to guide you through the treacherous terrain. Many things have changed over the last 18 years, but the one thing that has not changed is the instinctive masculine-feminine energy exchange.
Allow me to explain to you why you’ve taken on the nice guy stereotype. The main problem lies in the fact that men and women speak different dating languages. When a woman tells you you’re too nice, she’s actually saying, “Hey buddy, your masculinity gauge is running low and you’re coming across like a wet noodle.”
Let’s take a moment here to discuss the inner workings of the Nice Guy’s brain when he takes a romantic interest in a woman. The so-called Nice Guy thinks he must immediately place the woman on a pedestal, showering her with a high level of agreeableness, excessive sensitivity, and extreme neediness. The problem with this strategy is that Mr. Nice Guy now starts to be viewed by the woman as Mr. Low Value Guy, especially when his actions start to crossover into desperation territory.
You see, all women have an internal data processor located in their subconscious mind. That processor gathers information and rapidly obtains and identifies your profile. You are then placed into one of two zones: Man Zone or Friend Zone. Which one you land in is entirely up to you.
So how do you turn up that masculine energy? Women are attracted to men who exude confidence, assertiveness, charm, and charisma. Show her that you can take charge and make decisions without having to seek her approval for every little thing. Remember, being a gentleman doesn’t mean being a doormat. Be kind, be generous, be charming, be easy going – but be the man. Trust me, she’ll appreciate your kindness mixed with a hint of mystery, masculinity, and confidence. Believe in yourself and your self-worth as a catch, but never brag. If she senses you’re looking for validation and overcompensating with the nice guy routine, she’ll begin to question your worth as a quality partner. Needy behavior displays a lack of confidence. Remember men: free attention has no value. Women have the tendency to underestimate anything that is too easy. The more you chase her like a puppy dog, the less she’ll value your masculine energy.
In conclusion, Mr. Nice Guy, there is some truth to the notion of “nice guys finishing last.” Most nice guys don’t know the difference between taking care of a woman and being subservient to a woman. Remember, a woman will still expect you to take the lead. With that being said, even though being excessively nice can dampen attraction, it doesn’t mean you need to be a jerk to succeed in today’s dating world. Proudly maintain your inner masculinity by tapping into your confidence and strength as a man; treat her amazingly while embracing your new status as a GOOD GUY as opposed to the NICE GUY.
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